APD Part XII––A Measure of Healing

I said goodbye to the “corporate” world and entered a two-year Bible school certificate program through our church. It changed my life and taught me so many things. A trip halfway across the country brought me a large measure of healing. How did I know? I was tested in it. The only way to know if you’re healed from rejection is to be tested. Click to Tweet #amwriting #rejection #APD

So many wonder Bible teachers. So many wonderful times on a Saturday morning where I soaked in the presence of the Lord. I helped lead worship at times, I was a nominee for class leader during my second year. I met the woman who is now my dearest friend in Bible school.

But it was a trip to International House of Prayer (IHOP) in Kansas City, Missouri that brought my first noticeable large measure of healing. I dropped my mother (who was living with us at the time), off with my Aunt Donna on the Kansas side of KC. I stayed in the conference hotel.

And I was “loved on” by the Lord. I was alone in a crowd of a thousand, yet I didn’t feel alone or lonely. I would actually find someone or two to talk to in a day, either around lunch or in between sessions.

The worship spectacular, the teaching amazing, and God poured in His love to me. That was the year the worship song “Dance With Me” came out. I waltzed in my spirit with God. It was so wonderful. It was so life-changing.

I knew I was feeling good spiritually after I got home. Within a couple weeks, our Bible school had its annual retreat. As a mid-year student who had just completed my studies in December, I was still eligible to attend.

There, at the retreat, I noticed a change in myself. Where before, I had been quiet, if not downright shy, I found I was able to talk to any-one about any-thing. That really hadn’t happened quite that way before. I thanked the Lord. A friend told me that weekend she’d been jealous of my ability to get all A’s. I told her, “You’re sweet to say so, but I certainly had my challenges.” Mainly, my mother’s physical conditions, taking care of her, etc. God gave me the grace to get through it.

Then, a couple months later––the test. Another Bible school grad and I had sort of formed a worship leader partnership, where he led, and I provided back up. We’d been doing it all through Bible school, and we blended well together. But this time, he was asked to lead worship, and he didn’t ask me to join him. Hmmm. At first, rejection wanted to raise its ugly head, but the thought ran cross my mind: “He’s not obligated to ask you to help him every time he gets an invitation.” Indeed, he was not. I did not go off my rejection deep end. I realized I had just passed a test.

There are many ways to treat APD. Professional counseling is one way, but I decided not to go that route. I’d wanted to pluck out my rejection root all at once. God had other plans. I let the Lord heal me in His time, and in His way. And I think I’m pretty much there. Click to Tweet #amwriting #rejection #APD


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