Donna L.H. Smith

Addendum to APD Series

Posted on May 23, 2017     Leave a Comment

I realized that I’d forgotten to address certain symptoms of APD and what they look like––plus, how to deal with them, whether you’re the person with APD or a loved one or friend. At the root of APD is some sort(s) of childhood trauma(s). But finding acceptance heals. Click to Tweet #APD #rejection

Shyness is not just being an introvert, as most writers will say they are. Shyness associated with APD has deeper implications. I was very shy as a child. I’ve talked about that before on this blog. My Aunt Juanita seemed to terrify me––all 5’1” of her. I loved my Aunt Juanita when I stopped being afraid of her. She was really a very sweet person. I used to hide behind Mom’s skirts though around her. Rejections of any kind hurt. But when you have APD, as I believe I did, before I was born, I was afraid of people I didn’t know.

Hypersensitivity to rejection or criticism. People who suffer from APD need acceptance and handling with care –– to help them get past the pain. We take every rejection personally, because our work is “us.” So, if you criticize us because our work is subpar, we hear it as “we,” as a person, are subpar. Especially if the criticism isn’t constructive, it will be very destructive to those suffering from APD. Which leads us to…

Severe low self-esteem. Because people suffering from APD are usually bullied, either physically or emotionally, or both––sometimes it’s all we can do to have any kind of balanced thought about ourselves. I believe it’s also easy for APDers to suffer from pie-in-the-sky delusions of grandeur. Once we begin to think something good will actually happen to us––well then, let’s reach for the stars that we will never be able to get to. That leads to disappointment, more rejection, more self-loathing.

Inferiority complex. Because we’re constantly being derided and degraded and bullied by the world around us, not only do we feel poorly about ourselves, we’ll make sure we feel poorly. We’re never good enough, and we never will be. Some of us give up and give in to our fears, and we are loners. APDers often feel lonely because their circle is so small. Here’s a phrase I understand, and it seems almost opposite to what the APDer feels. “although others may find the relationship with them meaningful.” I’ve had several people tell me that I’m the only one who understands them. And their issues aren’t necessary rejection issues. But APDers seem to have an empathy with others.

We’re always looking for that connection. It took me years to realize that I make connections actually too quick, sometimes. That “normal” people make them a lot slower. Or––I don’t get to make the connections I want because I’m “tongue-tied.”

Someday, I’m going to write a book about all this, plus other recent revelations since that may also play into this. At any rate, I believe this is one of the issues I can speak to because I have it. I believe I’m healed from the worst pain. I haven’t been tested in it for a while, so things are pretty rosy right now. APD is something to be healed. It touches the emotional core of the one who has it. Unconditional love works wonders. Click to Tweet #APD #rejection