Another symptom of rejection I had: the longing for attention vs. the desire to be invisible. That’s a dichotomy to be sure. It has to do with who you’re with. Are you with people you know who will love and accept you unconditionally—or with those you don’t know? #rejectionissues #rejectionsymptoms #rejectionhope TWEETABLE
Today, I’m going to post from my series two years ago on APD. It stands for Avoidance Personality Disorder, and although I was never formally diagnosed, I exhibited or felt most of the signs. Otherwise known as Root of Rejection or Rejection Syndrome, I had this from before birth—having the personality type more affected by being adopted. @donnalhsmith @a3writers #APD #RejectionIssues #HealedandAcceptedNow #amwriting #BLOGbirthdayFeb172014 #fiveyears
I could have chosen a couple others dealing with my APD—much of the worst hurt was when I was a girl. The “fickle” friend and I have reconnected on Facebook, and it’s been fun. As children, we do things to hurt others, albeit UN-intentionally. Which I know was the case for her.
You may not enjoy reading about my emotional pain, but just because I remember it, doesn’t mean I’m not healed from it—because I am. Soon, I’m going to start sharing HOW to get healed. It’s a process—it will fit in well with the purpose of this blog.
So here’s the link to an APD post from two years ago—the first time I started writing about rejection and actually having the courage (anyone with rejection issues will know why courage means so much) to publish those posts.
Have a blessed day! @donnalhsmith @a3writers #APD #RejectionIssues #HealedandAcceptedNow #amwriting #BLOGbirthdayFeb172014 #fiveyears
I realized that I’d forgotten to address certain symptoms of APD and what they look like––plus, how to deal with them, whether you’re the person with APD or a loved one or friend. At the root of APD is some sort(s) of childhood trauma(s). But finding acceptance heals. Click to Tweet #APD #rejection
Shyness is not just being an introvert, as most writers will say they are. Shyness associated with APD has deeper implications. I was very shy as a child. I’ve talked about that before on this blog. My Aunt Juanita seemed to terrify me––all 5’1” of her. I loved my Aunt Juanita when I stopped being afraid of her. She was really a very sweet person. I used to hide behind Mom’s skirts though around her. Rejections of any kind hurt. But when you have APD, as I believe I did, before I was born, I was afraid of people I didn’t know.
Hypersensitivity to rejection or criticism. People who suffer from APD need acceptance and handling with care –– to help them get past the pain. We take every rejection personally, because our work is “us.” So, if you criticize us because our work is subpar, we hear it as “we,” as a person, are subpar. Especially if the criticism isn’t constructive, it will be very destructive to those suffering from APD. Which leads us to…
Severe low self-esteem. Because people suffering from APD are usually bullied, either physically or emotionally, or both––sometimes it’s all we can do to have any kind of balanced thought about ourselves. I believe it’s also easy for APDers to suffer from pie-in-the-sky delusions of grandeur. Once we begin to think something good will actually happen to us––well then, let’s reach for the stars that we will never be able to get to. That leads to disappointment, more rejection, more self-loathing.
Inferiority complex. Because we’re constantly being derided and degraded and bullied by the world around us, not only do we feel poorly about ourselves, we’ll make sure we feel poorly. We’re never good enough, and we never will be. Some of us give up and give in to our fears, and we are loners. APDers often feel lonely because their circle is so small. Here’s a phrase I understand, and it seems almost opposite to what the APDer feels. “although others may find the relationship with them meaningful.” I’ve had several people tell me that I’m the only one who understands them. And their issues aren’t necessary rejection issues. But APDers seem to have an empathy with others.
We’re always looking for that connection. It took me years to realize that I make connections actually too quick, sometimes. That “normal” people make them a lot slower. Or––I don’t get to make the connections I want because I’m “tongue-tied.”
Someday, I’m going to write a book about all this, plus other recent revelations since that may also play into this. At any rate, I believe this is one of the issues I can speak to because I have it. I believe I’m healed from the worst pain. I haven’t been tested in it for a while, so things are pretty rosy right now. APD is something to be healed. It touches the emotional core of the one who has it. Unconditional love works wonders. Click to Tweet #APD #rejection
These last couple months, I’ve been sharing true life stories as I remember them about some of the most painful rejections from my past. I’ve also talked about the healing I’ve gotten in stages, and what God has done with that. Anyone suffering from rejection can be healed. It just takes love and patience. Click to Tweet #APD #rejection
Now that I’ve shared some of my history, and finally figuring out what my problem was, I’m going to shine a microscope on some of the symptoms, especially the ones I recognized in myself. We all fantasize, but those with rejection may seem to daydream more. Click to Tweet #amwriting #rejection #APD
They say never to get involved in politics unless you have a thick skin. Oh wait! They say about writing, too. Well, I did dabble in politics for a short time in the 90s. In an election, there are always winners and losers. The key is to be involved, and if you win, great. But you have to move on if you lose. An election loss to a person with rejection issues hurts like a dagger in the heart. Click to Tweet #amwriting #rejection #APD
I so enjoyed giving a break to all my negative APD stuff by talking about what’s happening now. I’ll do that again soon. Getting fired from a job with APD is tantamount with being rejected as a human being. Click to Tweet #amwriting #rejection #APD
- Problems in occupational functioning
Nowadays, television is only interrupted by special news, disasters, or an emergency. This break is for something wonderful. In the past month, I have received so much emotional healing in rejection, and I know it will continue. Healing comes in a multitude of ways, not the least of which is learning your roots. Click to Tweet #amwriting #rejection #APD #ancestry
Last week, I alluded to a series of job failures from the time I graduated college. I was in grad school when the first occurred. Misunderstandings and miscommunications in the workplace are a symptom of APD. Click to Tweet #amwriting #rejection #APD
- Problems in occupational functioning
For five years, from the time I was a senior in high school, until I graduated from ORU, I had few rejection incidents. Then I graduated, and couldn’t get a job in my chosen field of broadcasting. Today’s job market is more sophisticated than the 1970s. Networking is rapidly becoming the best way to secure a professional position. Click to Tweet #amwriting #rejection #APD Back then, we used the shotgun, classified ad approach of job-hunting, with very little success.