Rejection Issues Revised — Part VI Attention v. Invisibility
Another symptom of rejection I had: the longing for attention vs. the desire to be invisible. That’s a dichotomy to be sure. It has to do with who you’re with. Are you with people you know who will love and accept you unconditionally—or with those you don’t know? #rejectionissues #rejectionsymptoms #rejectionhope TWEETABLE
The famous line in Hamlet says, “To be or not to be…that is the question.” To a person with rejection issues, it’s “to go or not to go.” It’s safer to stay home—especially if you don’t know people at the function you’re going to attend.
A person with rejection issues wants so much to be loved and accepted by everyone. But if they’re at an event or with people who will denigrate them, insult them, or otherwise verbally abuse them, they’d wish at that point, they were invisible.
Here’s a couple of examples from my life.
When I was a girl, and my brother would get attention for something he accomplished, the rejected part of my heart wanted to be noticed as “his sister!” Not happening. When he got his God and Country Boy Scout award in church, I had to be there, but in my eyes, I might as well not have been for no one noticed me. Mom and Dad got to go up front with him and be recognized with him. Me? I’m back in the pew by myself.
Operative words: by myself. And after church, he and they get all the attention. I wasn’t even acknowledged or noticed at all. On one level, I was “happy” for my brother, on another, I was sore at being ignored.
When a person with rejection issues needs attention and doesn’t get it, a part of their heart dies, shuts itself off from others.
You can read about my disastrous youth trip on this blog here. I wished I could have been invisible on the way home when the boys kept hounding and insulting me.
Another time I wished I was invisible occurred when I was on worship team, and I had a bad night emotionally. A nationally known worship leader was at our church (where we used to go). Something he said, felt like a slight to me. I’m sure he didn’t mean it that way. But that’s how I took it.
There’s a little video making the rounds on Facebook right now about a young mother so engrossed in her phone, she ignores her young daughter. To tell you the truth, I haven’t even watched the whole thing, because my heart hurt so badly for that little girl. I wanted to smack some sense into that mother.
“Hey! Your CHILD is much more important than your stupid phone!”
When a person with rejection issues wants to be invisible, that’s when they need love and gentle, non-threatening attention. #rejectionissues #rejectionsymptoms #rejectionhope TWEETABLE
Donna L.H. Smith 